Gay and Lesbian Humanist

Winter 2004-2005


Much Christian hissing, spitting and gnashing of teeth ensued when Madame Tussaud’s decided to use Posh and Becks as Jolly Jesus’s mum and dad in a “nativity” tableau. Well, if St David Plonkett gets His way, such waxy offerings may well never be seen again.

Not that His incitement-to-religious-hatred legislation will actually outlaw such things (or so we are told): it will merely lead to self-censorship, as Section 28 did for teachers, even though it was not aimed at schools, but at local authorities. So He will have achieved what He set out to do, without admitting actually doing it.

One cannot help but conjecture, though, what would have been the cost to the fabric of Madame T’s building if the “prophet” Mohammed had been used. That particular brand of self-censorship is with us already, as New Labour continues to kowtow to a creepily bizarre culture that is growing in its influence in Britain and elsewhere, so that, when its danger becomes apparent to our blind politicians (no pun on St David intended), it will be too late to turn around the juggernaut.

Perhaps Madame T’s should try something different next year. A year’s free subscription, courtesy of Infidel, to the reader who can come up with a tableau that uses Tony Blair, George W. Bush, a prayer mat, three dildos and a turkey.

It’s amazing what our ol’ buddy Jolly Jesus can make people get up to. Steve Unfreid is principal of Matanuska Christian School in Alaska, and decided he’d like a bit of masochism. Just to add spice, he had himself whipped in front of a couple of hunky male students in the school’s basement.

The odd thing is that Mr Unafraid Unfreid was punishing the students, not himself (there’s skewed Christian logic for you). They’d been caught kissing girls in the locker room twice in a week. Goodness! How lewd and unnatural can you get?

As an alternative to expulsion, he told his young audience, “Guys, this has got to stop. I’ve let the atmosphere get too lax. I share in this discipline. This is a one-time deal.”

Whereupon he took off his belt, gave it to another teacher, Joe Brost, and told him to “discipline me like you discipline your own son” (the implication being that Mr Brost thrashes the living daylights out of his unfortunate offspring).

Mr Unfreid was doing this, he said, because he was inspired by Jesus, according to a report in the Anchorage Daily News.

The school board decided this was going a tad over the top, and fired Mr Unfreid. Mr Brost resigned later.

Lions and Christians used to have a neat, you might say symbiotic, pairing. One occasionally wishes it might be revived for some of the crazier variety – of Christian, that is (lions are far more sensible).

However, a Taiwanese man had an elegant idea for bringing lions and Christians closer than they’ve ever been: by making them one and the same.

And you can bet your bottom that he’s praising his loving, merciful God for the fact that he escaped with minor bite wounds when he tried to convert two zoo lions to the cult.

Chen Chung-ho jumped right in among the beasts at the Taipei City Zoo in Mucha, according to the China Post. He raised his hands above his head and proclaimed, “Jesus will save you!” followed by “Come bite me!”

Eventually, after lounging under a tree and paying no attention to the crazy Christian, they thoughtfully obliged, injuring his arms and legs. However, they pulled back after he put his hands in front of his chest to pray.

Mr Chen, aged 46, was rushed to hospital after zoo staff used water cannon to chase the lions away and calm them with tranquilliser guns.

URI of this page :
Created : Sunday, 2005-02-13 / Last updated : Wednesday, 2007-12-12
Brett Humphreys :